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~The Hobbit Habit~
There was a slight groan that escaped from Pippin’s lips. He opened his eyes, startled by his own noise. Looking below him, for he was facing downward, there was water. Water everywhere, a deep puddle and his face was but inches away from touching the surface. He crossed his eyes and stared down his pointy nose at it. It was clear and whitish - very clean indeed. He wondered why he was slumped over a puddle and why the ground beneath him was so white. Had it snowed? Then, was the water frozen? Pippin decided to test this theory and moved his right hand to do so when something warm grabbed his wrist and forced it away from the water. There was a sigh and then a voice.
"Pippin. Finally you’re awake!"
Awake? Yes, he was definitely awake. Had he been ill? If so, then why were they leaving him outside to become worse? Pippin decided to ask why. He moved his tongue and found it to be dry and fuzzy-feeling. He tried to swallow; which culminated in a loud gulping sound. The person, who had a hold on his wrist, immediately forced his head forward. He was now even closer to the water than before. He was slowly being drowned?! This thought startled Pippin mightily. He wondered who would do such a thing? Perhaps, Ted Sandyman. Frantically, Pip came upon a good mode of action. He stiffened up and thrust the captor from him in a sudden backward force. There was a thud of something hitting the wall and then a groan and then a yelling of, "PIPPIN!!!!"
Pippin tried to stand up, but his head swam in a strange blur of color. He crawled around and found himself in close proximity to Frodo Baggins. The poor old hobbit was on the floor with his back against the tiled wall. He was rubbing the back of his head and his hand was covered with scarlet blood. A look of immense pain covered his face and he looked at Pippin in alarm.
"Frodo!" Pippin gasped, "What are you doing? Trying to drown me in a puddle in the snow?!"
Frodo glared at him and gritted his teeth, "You’re in my bathroom, Pippin! You drank too much at my party last night!" He stumbled to his feet and, grabbing a towel, wet it and placed it to his bleeding head. "I stayed up with you all night and this is the thanks I get!"
"I’m sorry," Pippin dropped his voice to a whisper and wondered why he had not noticed that the puddle was actually the commode. "Are you alright, Frodo?"
"I think so - I’ll have a nasty headache in a while, I’m sure. Best go home and get into bed," said Frodo.
"Alright. Frodo?"
"Yes?"
"Did I make a fool of myself last night?"
A grin spread across Frodo’s face. He began to chuckle in a slightly-evil manner, "Pippin! Of course you made of fool of yourself! You always do."
"Not in front of Diamond though? Did I?!" Pippin got to his feet in a hurry and leaned against the wall, allowing his head to throb and his stomach to quail.
"She did see you empty the punchbowl and place it on your head. Then, she stuck around to see you talk, in a loud voice about her legs and the way her body curves - ‘just like a vase,’ - that’s what you said. You also mentioned a couple of other things which were quite alarming and I won’t tell you them because I couldn’t say them without feeling myself quite a dirty little hobbit."
"Oh, no! Did she look insulted?"
"Well, everyone was surprised at how well you knew her body, but she seemed slightly astounded. She left pretty quickly. Although, she did tell me that she had a good time and that you were semi-flattering in your descriptions. She said she would visit you soon," Frodo looked at the towel and sighed. "I hope this blood washes out. I should go see the doctor. I’ll take you back to your place on my way. Come on!" he gripped Pippin’s arm and they left the house.
After they gained the street, Pippin opened the conversation once more, "She really said that she wanted to visit me? Hooray!" Pippin jumped slightly as he said this and then clasped his hand to his head.
"Pippin," replied Frodo in a very serious manner. "You should get some help. You’re drinking more and more. I can’t stay and monitor you at all hours of the day - nor do I want to! You should join the H.A.A. Diamond won’t want to date or marry a man who constantly talks profanities and sleeps in the commode. No girl wants that!"
"You’re right. I just always thought that Hobbit Alcoholics Anonymous was for people who lived in garbage cans and wallowed in their own filth."
"Pippin! You will get that bad if you do nothing and if it wasn’t for me, you would be wallowing in your own filth!"
They came to Pippins hole and Frodo bade him good-day.
8 8 8
That evening, Pippin took a long bath and got dressed. He buttoned up his jacket and looked at himself in the full-length mirror. I don’t look like a drunk, he thought, but I am one. He sighed, took one last look at himself, and left.
The H.A.A. met in a public building on First Avenue. It was the same building in which Sam Gamgee held his office as mayor, the same one in which bingo was held every Saturday for the elderly, and the same one in which people gathered to watch dramas and concerts on Fridays.
Pippin walked in and ran into a janitor. "Excuse me," he said a bit embarrassed. "Which room does the H.A.A. meet in?"
The Janitor looked up from his mopping and grunted, "Room thirty-six."
"Thank you," Pippin hurried off and came to the room. He went inside and found that there were a great number of chairs all set in a circle. A few people had already shown up and were seated in different areas. There was also a table covered with cookies and other teats to snack on. Pippin headed for it as was his custom any time there was such a thing present.
A plump lady addressed him, "You don’t want to eat that."
"Why not?" Pippin turned around.
"Because," the lady straightened herself and sat up as well as she could. "As you quit drinking, you need to find something else to replace that habit. Start eating a lot and that will become your new habit. Best start walking or doing something else. You don’t want to look like me," she looked him directly in the eye as she said this and then continued. "Take advise from someone who knows what she is talking about. I used to be thin and now I’m not. I have been coming to these meetings for five years and I have also joined an Over-Eaters Anonymous. I am really struggling with it."
"I’m sorry to hear that," Pippin sat down beside her. "I’m Pippin Took, by the way."
"Snapdragon Proudfoot - A pleasure to meet you," she smiled. "Course though, you can just call me Snappy - everyone does."
"What do they do at these meetings?" Pippin looked around as a couple of other people entered.
"They start off by introducing new people. Then everyone gives an account of what they did this week - you know. What you drank, if you felt pulled to drink, what you did to overcome it, etc. Next, Dr. Hornblower gives a short talk on some various subject that have to do with addiction."
"How long does it normally last?"
"Oh, anything from an hour to three hours. But, it’s worth the time. I had a cousin on my mother’s side who never got help for his drinking and he ended up dead at the age of thirty-two because his liver gave out."
At that moment, a plump, middle-aged hobbit walked into the room and shut the door behind himself. He wore a pair of small glasses and a very bright-colored waistcoat.
"Good-evening, Dr. Hornblower!" several of the addicts called out.
"A good-evening to you, too!" the doctor smiled and sat down in one of the chairs. He eyed Pippin and said, "Shall we get started then? Let’s see . . . It looks like we have a new member. What’s your name?"
"Pippin Took."
"A Took! Well that is just wonderful! Could you tell us some about your problem and why you have decided to join our happy, little groupie?"
Pippin swallowed and then began, "I have a nasty drinking habit. I drink too much at parties. Last night, I went to a friend’s and I made a fool of myself in front of everyone - and especially in front of this girl that I like a lot. I found myself this morning with my head in the commode and my friend told me that I had placed the punchbowl on my head and that I had yelled lots of rude obscenities last night. He told me that I needed to get help, so here I am." He clasped his hands together in his lap and looked down at his hairy feet.
"That’s just great, Pippin!" the doctor smiled.
"It’s so nice to have you here!" added a man.
"Oh, yes!" replied everyone else.
"Shall we go around the rest of the room, then?" inquired Dr. Hornblower.
The meeting went on without a hitch. Within two hours, Pippin was back home and getting ready for bed. He felt quite proud of himself and was in a very good mood. Just as he was getting ready to climb into bed, there was a rapping at his front door. He grabbed his robe and went to see who it was. He opened the door and there were Frodo, Sam, and Merry.
"Hello," was all that Pippin could muster; he was so surprised to see them all.
"Pippin," Frodo said. "We wanted to show our support for what you are doing. We brought over all the wine and beer bottles that we have kept in our larders. We thought that you could grab all your bottles, too, and we would have a short, little dump-the-contents-down-the-drain-party." They all displayed the bottles that they had brought.
Pippin felt himself tearing up, "Thank you! Come in! I’ll go grab mine and we can have the party in the kitchen."
In the kitchen, they all took turns dumping their ale down the sink. It was a very good time and they all had some festive lemonade to drink. Every time a bottle was emptied, there would be whooping and hollering and another cork would be popped off another container. Within an hour, all ale was gone and the friends went back to their own homes.
Pippin went to bed feeling very pleased and not very sleepy - besides, he had drunk so much lemonade that a trip to the bathroom was inevitable.
8 8 8
The next day, Pippin decided to take a brisk walk around town. He figured that he could start the habit of getting this sort of exercise on nicely-weathered days. He headed off in a random direction, not knowing that there was a subconscious purpose for the choice. It soon became apparent, though, because as he crossed a field, he came right up to Diamond’s hole. The girl was lying in a hammock that was spread between two great oak trees. She looked up and waved at Pippin. He felt quite silly, but came over anyway.
"Hello!" he tried to sound cheerful.
"Hi, um . . . How are you doing?"
It was the question that he had dreaded, but knew would come, "I’m doing better. I wanted to let you know that I am very sorry for what I said about you the other night. I have joined the H.A.A. and I am going to try very hard to quite my terrible habit."
Diamond smiled and sat up, "I was wondering . . . would you like to come over for dinner some time? I promise there will be no alcohol."
"I’d love to, really I would!" Pippin bent over and kissed her cheek. Next, he began to run off in a hurry, feeling foolish.
"Pippin!"
Pippin jumped out from behind a tree, "Yes?"
"Tonight at five. Is that o.k.?"
"That would be splendid!" Pippin sprinted off back toward the road.
He raced by Frodo, who was headed for the market.
"What’s the matter?" called Frodo, looking quite shocked at Pippin’s speed.
Pippin stopped and turned around. Coming over to Frodo, he tried to catch his breath, "I . . . Diamond . . . asked . . . me . . . to dinner." He inhaled deeply and grinned.
"That’s wonderful!" Frodo looked very pleased.
"Yes, it is," added Pippin. "I’m surprised she wants to."
"I told you she seemed amused by it," Frodo replied. He started to walk away, but turned back, "It’s a good thing that Diamond doesn’t mind your big mouth!" He raced off at a fast pace and Pippin ran after him.
"You . . . can’t get . . . away from me . . . that easily!" Pippin panted. "I know . . . where . . . you live!"
"Pippin. Finally you’re awake!"
Awake? Yes, he was definitely awake. Had he been ill? If so, then why were they leaving him outside to become worse? Pippin decided to ask why. He moved his tongue and found it to be dry and fuzzy-feeling. He tried to swallow; which culminated in a loud gulping sound. The person, who had a hold on his wrist, immediately forced his head forward. He was now even closer to the water than before. He was slowly being drowned?! This thought startled Pippin mightily. He wondered who would do such a thing? Perhaps, Ted Sandyman. Frantically, Pip came upon a good mode of action. He stiffened up and thrust the captor from him in a sudden backward force. There was a thud of something hitting the wall and then a groan and then a yelling of, "PIPPIN!!!!"
Pippin tried to stand up, but his head swam in a strange blur of color. He crawled around and found himself in close proximity to Frodo Baggins. The poor old hobbit was on the floor with his back against the tiled wall. He was rubbing the back of his head and his hand was covered with scarlet blood. A look of immense pain covered his face and he looked at Pippin in alarm.
"Frodo!" Pippin gasped, "What are you doing? Trying to drown me in a puddle in the snow?!"
Frodo glared at him and gritted his teeth, "You’re in my bathroom, Pippin! You drank too much at my party last night!" He stumbled to his feet and, grabbing a towel, wet it and placed it to his bleeding head. "I stayed up with you all night and this is the thanks I get!"
"I’m sorry," Pippin dropped his voice to a whisper and wondered why he had not noticed that the puddle was actually the commode. "Are you alright, Frodo?"
"I think so - I’ll have a nasty headache in a while, I’m sure. Best go home and get into bed," said Frodo.
"Alright. Frodo?"
"Yes?"
"Did I make a fool of myself last night?"
A grin spread across Frodo’s face. He began to chuckle in a slightly-evil manner, "Pippin! Of course you made of fool of yourself! You always do."
"Not in front of Diamond though? Did I?!" Pippin got to his feet in a hurry and leaned against the wall, allowing his head to throb and his stomach to quail.
"She did see you empty the punchbowl and place it on your head. Then, she stuck around to see you talk, in a loud voice about her legs and the way her body curves - ‘just like a vase,’ - that’s what you said. You also mentioned a couple of other things which were quite alarming and I won’t tell you them because I couldn’t say them without feeling myself quite a dirty little hobbit."
"Oh, no! Did she look insulted?"
"Well, everyone was surprised at how well you knew her body, but she seemed slightly astounded. She left pretty quickly. Although, she did tell me that she had a good time and that you were semi-flattering in your descriptions. She said she would visit you soon," Frodo looked at the towel and sighed. "I hope this blood washes out. I should go see the doctor. I’ll take you back to your place on my way. Come on!" he gripped Pippin’s arm and they left the house.
After they gained the street, Pippin opened the conversation once more, "She really said that she wanted to visit me? Hooray!" Pippin jumped slightly as he said this and then clasped his hand to his head.
"Pippin," replied Frodo in a very serious manner. "You should get some help. You’re drinking more and more. I can’t stay and monitor you at all hours of the day - nor do I want to! You should join the H.A.A. Diamond won’t want to date or marry a man who constantly talks profanities and sleeps in the commode. No girl wants that!"
"You’re right. I just always thought that Hobbit Alcoholics Anonymous was for people who lived in garbage cans and wallowed in their own filth."
"Pippin! You will get that bad if you do nothing and if it wasn’t for me, you would be wallowing in your own filth!"
They came to Pippins hole and Frodo bade him good-day.
8 8 8
That evening, Pippin took a long bath and got dressed. He buttoned up his jacket and looked at himself in the full-length mirror. I don’t look like a drunk, he thought, but I am one. He sighed, took one last look at himself, and left.
The H.A.A. met in a public building on First Avenue. It was the same building in which Sam Gamgee held his office as mayor, the same one in which bingo was held every Saturday for the elderly, and the same one in which people gathered to watch dramas and concerts on Fridays.
Pippin walked in and ran into a janitor. "Excuse me," he said a bit embarrassed. "Which room does the H.A.A. meet in?"
The Janitor looked up from his mopping and grunted, "Room thirty-six."
"Thank you," Pippin hurried off and came to the room. He went inside and found that there were a great number of chairs all set in a circle. A few people had already shown up and were seated in different areas. There was also a table covered with cookies and other teats to snack on. Pippin headed for it as was his custom any time there was such a thing present.
A plump lady addressed him, "You don’t want to eat that."
"Why not?" Pippin turned around.
"Because," the lady straightened herself and sat up as well as she could. "As you quit drinking, you need to find something else to replace that habit. Start eating a lot and that will become your new habit. Best start walking or doing something else. You don’t want to look like me," she looked him directly in the eye as she said this and then continued. "Take advise from someone who knows what she is talking about. I used to be thin and now I’m not. I have been coming to these meetings for five years and I have also joined an Over-Eaters Anonymous. I am really struggling with it."
"I’m sorry to hear that," Pippin sat down beside her. "I’m Pippin Took, by the way."
"Snapdragon Proudfoot - A pleasure to meet you," she smiled. "Course though, you can just call me Snappy - everyone does."
"What do they do at these meetings?" Pippin looked around as a couple of other people entered.
"They start off by introducing new people. Then everyone gives an account of what they did this week - you know. What you drank, if you felt pulled to drink, what you did to overcome it, etc. Next, Dr. Hornblower gives a short talk on some various subject that have to do with addiction."
"How long does it normally last?"
"Oh, anything from an hour to three hours. But, it’s worth the time. I had a cousin on my mother’s side who never got help for his drinking and he ended up dead at the age of thirty-two because his liver gave out."
At that moment, a plump, middle-aged hobbit walked into the room and shut the door behind himself. He wore a pair of small glasses and a very bright-colored waistcoat.
"Good-evening, Dr. Hornblower!" several of the addicts called out.
"A good-evening to you, too!" the doctor smiled and sat down in one of the chairs. He eyed Pippin and said, "Shall we get started then? Let’s see . . . It looks like we have a new member. What’s your name?"
"Pippin Took."
"A Took! Well that is just wonderful! Could you tell us some about your problem and why you have decided to join our happy, little groupie?"
Pippin swallowed and then began, "I have a nasty drinking habit. I drink too much at parties. Last night, I went to a friend’s and I made a fool of myself in front of everyone - and especially in front of this girl that I like a lot. I found myself this morning with my head in the commode and my friend told me that I had placed the punchbowl on my head and that I had yelled lots of rude obscenities last night. He told me that I needed to get help, so here I am." He clasped his hands together in his lap and looked down at his hairy feet.
"That’s just great, Pippin!" the doctor smiled.
"It’s so nice to have you here!" added a man.
"Oh, yes!" replied everyone else.
"Shall we go around the rest of the room, then?" inquired Dr. Hornblower.
The meeting went on without a hitch. Within two hours, Pippin was back home and getting ready for bed. He felt quite proud of himself and was in a very good mood. Just as he was getting ready to climb into bed, there was a rapping at his front door. He grabbed his robe and went to see who it was. He opened the door and there were Frodo, Sam, and Merry.
"Hello," was all that Pippin could muster; he was so surprised to see them all.
"Pippin," Frodo said. "We wanted to show our support for what you are doing. We brought over all the wine and beer bottles that we have kept in our larders. We thought that you could grab all your bottles, too, and we would have a short, little dump-the-contents-down-the-drain-party." They all displayed the bottles that they had brought.
Pippin felt himself tearing up, "Thank you! Come in! I’ll go grab mine and we can have the party in the kitchen."
In the kitchen, they all took turns dumping their ale down the sink. It was a very good time and they all had some festive lemonade to drink. Every time a bottle was emptied, there would be whooping and hollering and another cork would be popped off another container. Within an hour, all ale was gone and the friends went back to their own homes.
Pippin went to bed feeling very pleased and not very sleepy - besides, he had drunk so much lemonade that a trip to the bathroom was inevitable.
8 8 8
The next day, Pippin decided to take a brisk walk around town. He figured that he could start the habit of getting this sort of exercise on nicely-weathered days. He headed off in a random direction, not knowing that there was a subconscious purpose for the choice. It soon became apparent, though, because as he crossed a field, he came right up to Diamond’s hole. The girl was lying in a hammock that was spread between two great oak trees. She looked up and waved at Pippin. He felt quite silly, but came over anyway.
"Hello!" he tried to sound cheerful.
"Hi, um . . . How are you doing?"
It was the question that he had dreaded, but knew would come, "I’m doing better. I wanted to let you know that I am very sorry for what I said about you the other night. I have joined the H.A.A. and I am going to try very hard to quite my terrible habit."
Diamond smiled and sat up, "I was wondering . . . would you like to come over for dinner some time? I promise there will be no alcohol."
"I’d love to, really I would!" Pippin bent over and kissed her cheek. Next, he began to run off in a hurry, feeling foolish.
"Pippin!"
Pippin jumped out from behind a tree, "Yes?"
"Tonight at five. Is that o.k.?"
"That would be splendid!" Pippin sprinted off back toward the road.
He raced by Frodo, who was headed for the market.
"What’s the matter?" called Frodo, looking quite shocked at Pippin’s speed.
Pippin stopped and turned around. Coming over to Frodo, he tried to catch his breath, "I . . . Diamond . . . asked . . . me . . . to dinner." He inhaled deeply and grinned.
"That’s wonderful!" Frodo looked very pleased.
"Yes, it is," added Pippin. "I’m surprised she wants to."
"I told you she seemed amused by it," Frodo replied. He started to walk away, but turned back, "It’s a good thing that Diamond doesn’t mind your big mouth!" He raced off at a fast pace and Pippin ran after him.
"You . . . can’t get . . . away from me . . . that easily!" Pippin panted. "I know . . . where . . . you live!"
The End
PropertyOfFrodo |
Latest page update: made by PropertyOfFrodo
, Jan 29 2008, 8:27 PM EST
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